Well, to begin with I screwed up. I arranged a birthday party at the FreeLancer bar in Pattaya for 27 April. The problem was, I was arriving in Pattaya that day (after travelling from Russia). By the time I got to my place and dropped my luggage, I felt like crap. Crap that had been in the sun too long and then stepped on.
I ended up going to sleep for about 16 hours and missing my party of course. From my end, it only put me out a couple of hundred dollars (the cost of the party).
I went to the FLB bar the next night and introduced myself (and asked how my party went). After meeting Ben and the mamasans, and being introduced to a couple of the girls, I noticed all the names on the mirrors in the bar. Found out they were people who had "rang the bell". I said, what the hell (there weren't a lot of farangs in there at the time, so I figured it wouldn't cost too much).
Rang the bell (1st time). Put my name in the book and got my souvenier shirt. Only a couple of thousand baht for the round, not too bad. I came prepared and had wads of cash stashed in various places. Most of the girls were getting "Blow Job" shooters, though I think the mamasan had a lot to do with the drink selection. Kind of fun watching the different girls nearly deep-throating the shot glasses (trying to give you an idea of their "skill").
After another drink or 2, decided to ring the bell again (2nd time). What the hell, 1st night out after months of living in the 'stan. Got another souvenier, name in the book and an updated "bin". Still doing good.
I'm starting to get a buzz on, nothing serious yet, just loosening up a bit. Mamasan asked if I wanted "ring bell" again, why not (# 3) ? They have this thing where, once all the girls have their drinks, they do a little count down and then someone throws a heavy serving tray on the floor with a loud "bang", that signals the girls to down their drinks. By now I'm geting used to it.
What time is it ? I have no idea. The "Jack-Coke"s are going down rather nicely, and some of the girls are starting to look very yummy. Ring the bell again ? What a great idea (# 4) ! Still sober enough to write my name in the book, and collect another souvenier. It seems like almost every girl in the place is crowded around my table, why is that ? Too many to choose from, and not quite ready to call it a night just yet.
Checked the bin, out of curiosity. Not too bad, less than I thought it would be. A quick calculation of my funds, yep, no problems. What the hell, ring it again (# 5) !
I think the girls were switched to "chocolate pussies" for this round, or was it tequila ? Who cares ? I got another souvenier (starting to pile up on the table, barely enough room to set my drink down. Oh well, it's easier just to hold onto my drink anyways). The girls are friendly, and more than a couple keep trying to make eye contact, hoping to sneak into "favoured girl" status ? I can't focus enough to maintain eye contact anyways, so it's no big deal.
Oops, almost closing time already ? Wow, has it been 3-4 hours already ? Hmm, guess I should order another drink. What about the girls ? Oh OK, ring that damn bell again (# 6). By now I'm wondering if I'll be able to make it home, or end up sleeping on the street somewhere. Plus I've got this large pile of souveniers to deal with.
Lights are coming on, music stopped, must be time to go. Check Bin ! The total came to just under 30,000 baht. No problem. Counted out the wad and added a wee tip (I have no idea how much, but I'm sure it was 4 figures).
I know by now that I'll be sleeping alone. Must have disappointed a couple of the girls, but hey, I'm too plastered to do any thing, and spending half the night praying to the porcelain queen wouldn't have been very romantic or endearing to some innocent young girl.
Turns out that I didn't get sick, and wasn't even hung-over the next morning ! Pretty amazing I thought, considering that I hadn't touched a drop of booze in the last 3 months while in Afghanistan.
Felt so good in fact, that I just had to go back to the FLB bar again that night. Not quite as crazy as the previous night though. After entering the bar and getting a seat, the mamsan proceeded to troop every available girl in the bar over to my table. I played it cool for a little while, chatting with one girl that spoke decent english, kind of ignoring the other girls. They all just sat there quietly, eerily even. Not speaking amongst themselves, barely even moving.
After watching this for a little while, I broke down and rang that damn bell again. I'm not sure, but I think I only rang it once that night. Not sure how I did it, but by the end of the night, the bill came out to 15,000 baht, and I only had 1 souvenier to show for it !
45,000 baht in 2 nights, and never got laid ! Not even a "special massage" ! I wasn't that concerned about it. I did go back again, late the next night, with the expectation of picking up one of the girls. Just my luck, she wasn't there that night. Ah well, time to go trolling along Walking Street.
Ambushed !!! A girl that had finished working at the FLB Bar the day before snagged me just after I walked out the door. I had spoken to her a couple of times during the first 2 nights, and she thought I might be back so she hid across the street until I came out.
Not really my cup of tea, but she did have "big milk", so I started talking to her. Big mistake, as about 10 minutes later she was relaying her life story to me and crying on my shoulder. I finally got away by promising to visit her at her new club the next night, then scampered away home (alone). Never did go back to the FLB bar or to where ever it is that she was now working.
The rest of the holiday went quite well, but not really anything worth mentioning. Now I'm back in the 'Russia, trying to replenish the bank account. Ahhh, at leat I have my memories !
OK, you can all wake up now and go on to something else !
Go on bugger off! go away!!!
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